Day 24,473: When Feeling & Looking Better Don’t Align

The day started with me feeling off. No reason why. OK some reasons why — but nothing to write home about. Then I took a shower, washed my hair, did my hair, and put on makeup. I looked a little better and felt a bit better as well.

Old wisdom says beauty comes from within. But if so, you would always look better when you feel better, and that’s just not the case. Sometimes you feel “simply marvelous” and look like crap. Other days, it’s the exact opposite.

Today’s agenda was for my daughter and me to clean out two closets. With COVID-19, our home is now an extended stay facility for her. This week she heard her office won’t reopen due to COVID for at least another 4-5 months, so we need to rethink some of the space to make it more comfortable for all of us.  Two rooms required our attention: the guest room which is now her room, and her old, smaller bedroom which now needs to be repurposed.

Better Closets Don’t Mean A Cleaner House

With two closets now streamlined, we both feel better, but there are now plastic bags of give-away things piled up in the house. We feel better for de-cluttering, but the house doesn’t look better and heaven knows when we’ll be able to move the give-away items out of the house. For all the internal cleaning, if you came into the house it might look more cluttered on the surface — not better.

A Flattened Curve Doesn’t Feel Safer

As for COVID-19, it appears some state governments are getting a better handle on the curve. Things are looking a bit better, but they don’t feel better. They feel worse. It feels ever more dangerous to visit the grocery store; I have more anxiety about going outside even though I try to take walks; too many people are out of work and struggling to allow any of us to feel better. It feels like the odds may be running out and we, as individuals, may be closer rather than farther from contracting this thing.

Today, I added another item for delivery to the house — cheeses. I can’t eat cow cheese and the stores are not strong on goat and sheep alternatives. Instead of lingering over cheese counters, it felt better to find an internet service and to order from home. Instead of trying again to have someone do the grocery shopping for me, it felt better to support a local purveyor in NYC — — who must be suffering from reduced business. It was now my second order directly from a local distributor with last week’s order supporting an NJ Tulip Farmer.

We also signed up for our local farm CSA – Community Supported Agriculture — or the summer for weekly pickup of locally grown produce. This summer I suspect we won’t be picking our produce from barrels but likely being handed pre-packed bags directly into our car. It won’t be as special as clipping herbs and flowers for ourselves in the fields.

What Feels Better For You?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m extremely grateful that my entire family has so far dodged this bullet. I’m grateful that both my daughters and I can work from home and still have jobs. I’m thankful we have a home that can accommodate extended stays and that I love family company.  I’m thankful I have a local CSA to support. In some respects, it’s all good except that it’s not good out there. It’s not safe. It’s not yet really better. At least that’s how it feels.